Burning Butterflies

New Leaders, New Struggles, Same Narcissism

Chapter 3, Episode 11
 
In this episode of Burning Butterflies, we dive into the churchwide aftermath of the California trip. Tom finally gets what he's always wanted—another leader who loves and leads the church with as much passion as he does. Pastor Young Gun jumps in with both feet and seems to be a perfect fit. But as he begins to connect with the congregation on a deeper level, genuinely caring for their well-being, something strange happens. Instead of embracing this fresh approach, Tom starts to feel the pressure. What happens when someone steps in and actually does the work Tom claims to value? Is Tom's vision for the church truly about serving the people, or is it about maintaining control? Tune in as we unravel the tensions and power struggles that emerge when genuine leadership meets ego-driven authority.
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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The Weight of Perfection: Amanda's Dark Path

Chapter 3, Episode 10
TW: suicide and depression
 
In this raw and eye-opening episode, Amanda shares her personal journey of being overwhelmed by the pressures of ministry, leading a mom's group, and trying to embody the ideal Proverbs 31 wife and mother. This relentless pursuit of perfection led her down a dark and dangerous path.
 
Together, the ladies dissect how the church's expectations and the pressure to be the "perfect" Christian woman can push women to their breaking point. They discuss the unrealistic standards that are often placed on women, the emotional toll of constant striving, and how these pressures are deeply rooted in the systemic oppression of women within the evangelical church.
 
This episode is a must-listen for anyone who has ever felt crushed by the weight of expectations or who wants to better understand the often-hidden struggles of women in the church. The conversation is both heart-wrenching and empowering as the ladies explore paths to healing and reclaiming one's identity beyond the walls of the church.
 
If you are struggling, call 988.
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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The Phantom Conference: A Misleading Pilgrimage to Saddleback

Chapter 3, Episode 9
 
In this eye-opening episode, the ladies unravel the curious tale of Tom's grand plan to indoctrinate Pastor Young Gun by taking him and a dozen others on a transformative journey "Mother Land," a conference at Saddleback Church led by none other than Rick Warren himself. But there’s a twist: the conference never existed. Rick Warren wasn’t even in the country.
 
So, where did the church's money go? And how did Tom manage to manipulate this trip to mold not only Young Gun but also the cherry picked group of up-and-coming leaders within the church? Join us as we expose the truth behind this deceptive scheme, shedding light on the lengths some will go to maintain control and power, all while leaving their congregation in the dark.
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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From Controlling to Calling: The Rise of Pastor Young Gun

Chapter 3, Episode 8
 
In this episode of Burning Butterflies, we dive into the dramatic shift that occurs when Pastor Young Gun arrives at the high-control evangelical church, Come As You Are.
 
Known for his dictatorial leadership, Tom keeps a tight grip on his congregation, discouraging any form of independent thought or leadership. But when the young, energetic, and personable Pastor Young Gun steps onto the scene, everything changes. Fresh from seminary, he connects with the congregation in ways Tom never could—teaching scripture with passion and encouraging members to step into their God-given roles as leaders.
 
What happens when a community raised under strict control is suddenly given the freedom to explore their faith and leadership? So much happens! Oh, so much!
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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Fragile Bonds: Women Desperate for Connection

In this episode of Burning Butterflies, we dive into the relationships that women had with one another at Come As You Are Church.
 
The summer of 2015 felt almost utopian for the women in the congregation. With Tom and Charlotte preoccupied with the construction of their new home, the women experienced an unprecedented level of freedom. They served and functioned in ways they felt God was calling them, fostering supportive relationships and sharing things with one another that would typically be considered taboo in evangelical circles.
 
But as the fall approached and Tom and Charlotte shifted their focus back to church matters, the delicate fabric of these relationships began to unravel. Mom's Group begins to show their first signs of cracks and Amanda and Brandi are desperate to keep it going. Melissa, isolated in her marriage, stives to make connections wherever she can.
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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Sweet Summertime: 2015 is the Year of Inconsistency

In this episode of Burning Butterflies, we journey back to the summer of 2015, an action-packed time filled with both excitement and growing concerns.
 
We kick off with Vacation Bible School (VBS), which sparks an innovative and fun initiative by Brandi and Melissa in children's ministry, setting the stage for an exciting year ahead.
 
However, amidst the flurry of activities, something significant is missing—the big summer park event. The absence of this beloved tradition raises eyebrows and leads to questions about the funds that were supposedly allocated for it. As the summer unfolds, we delve into the unsettling discrepancies: Tom's new house, the luxurious additions of a finished basement, pool, and hot tub, and the church's new electronic sign.
 
And where the heck was Amanda all summer?
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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Ruins to Redemption: Real Healing or Gaslighting?

In this episode of "Burning Butterflies," Melissa, Brandi, and Amanda dive deep into their experiences at the Ruins to Redemption Women's Retreat, the first retreat held after a year filled with loss and heartache.
 
Amanda, who was invited to co-lead by Charlotte, shares how her efforts to make the retreat more appealing to a younger crowd blew up in her face. Melissa praises the retreat's setup, believing it to be an exemplary model for future events, while Brandi hated all of it and expressed her dislike to Charlotte.
 
Did the retreat truly help the participants heal, or were the ladies merely gaslighting themselves and others by insisting that simply acknowledging the pain and encouraging women to "give it to God" was sufficient for overcoming such profound devastation?
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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Death Becomes Us: When The Call To Be Near The Brokenhearted Goes Unanswered

In this heart-wrenching episode, Melissa, Brandi, and Amanda discuss the tragic events at the Come As You Are Church in 2014-2015, where five major, sudden deaths shook the congregation to its core.
 
The ladies open up about their personal experiences and the painful responsibilities they were asked to shoulder during this dark time. They discuss the ways they tried to manage the overwhelming grief and the deeply hurtful requests made of them, which ultimately led to their own failure in providing the support and comfort needed to the brokenhearted.
 
**We acknowledge that this could be a difficult and potentially triggering episode for some to listen to. Please skip this episode if you find today's topics to be too hard.
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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Discipleship Double Standard: Women's Ministry vs Beer Ministry

Today the ladies dive into the unspoken yet pervasive double standards within Come As You Are.
 
Women are often expected to shoulder a litany of duties: keeping the house spotless, cooking meals, making sure to have a daily quiet time, attending Bible studies, ensuring the homework for those studies is completed, serving the church tirelessly, and participating in women's breakfasts. To top it all off, their conversations with other women are monitored by figures like Charlotte, who ensure they are 'good disciples' and are making more disciples.
 
Contrast this with the expectations placed on men: show up at church, serve when possible, work hard, and make money (because tithing is crucial). Anything a man does for the church is seen as remarkable, and activities like drinking beer are hailed as discipleship if they mention church, God, or Jesus.
 
Join us as we explore these glaring disparities. It's a conversation that might challenge your perspectives and ignite a flame for change.
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
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Celebrate Good Times: Melissa Accidentally Throws Tom a Party

In this episode of Burning Butterflies, we're diving into the chaotic yet revealing story of Melissa's attempt to throw a party.
 
Initially intended to celebrate Froggy's 40th birthday with a "Game of Life" theme, the event takes unexpected turns. Brandi ditches the party, Amanda gets yelled at, and Charlotte and Froggy derail the plans, turning the celebration into a 60th birthday bash for Pastor Tom.
 
We'll unpack the strange dynamics of celebrating milestones like birthdays at Come As You Are and explore how this particular party further strained the relationship between Melissa and Amanda.
 
Burning Butterflies is a listener supported podcast. Please check out our Patreon to learn more about how you too can support what we are doing!
 
Please help us share our story with others! Follow us on FB, Insta or TikTok. Subscribe so you won't miss new episodes and don't forget to leave us a rating!